put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
