im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
