Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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