The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
