I wish i was in the wii world.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
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