there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
