What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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