just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
