I am in a vortex of obligation.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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