All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
