found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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