Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just found a bag of teeth...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
