hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
