I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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