fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
