$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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