I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
