he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
