Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
