What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i love accidental penises.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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