everyone is single if you try hard enough
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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