and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
