I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
