I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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