How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
