i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
