Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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