So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
this will be a night to untag.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
