Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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