i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize