I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
