Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
