i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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