last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
