have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
