I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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