Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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