if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
