hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
