does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
