Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
