these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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