I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
