Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
