he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
