If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
