I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
