I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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