that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My penis needs a shock collar
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
