I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
