Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
she told me i tasted like america
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
