My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Randomize
