I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
