i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
