I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
