No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
