Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
