Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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