Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
