Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
