I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
