I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
