Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
