he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Enjoy the penises
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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