You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
