Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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