it wasn't lemon gatorade
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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