I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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