My liver just broke up with me...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
