Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
