My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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