My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
