Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
