I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
