His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
