Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
