Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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