If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Send help, water and tortillas.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize