how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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