it's not cheating when I paid for it
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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