Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
