Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
