You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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