I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
