I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
