I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
