Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
