even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
