i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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