I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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