Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
