So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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