So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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