eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
