you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize