hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
