So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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