I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
