I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
wow bdsm is so cute
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