AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
